From the album My Freakin' Heart

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Lyrics

Tea and Coffee with the Aliens

Copyright 2013
Dan Pelletier

Walking alone on the streets outside of Reno
Just lost my life savings on the slot machines and the Keeno
An eerie sound from above gave me such a terrible fright
I was lifted up to their spaceship in a beam of hazy blue light

They said "Take us to your master, we expect a grand reception"
I said, "I am a slave to no man" they said "well you must be the exception"
So they dressed me up in purple robes of incalculable worth
Stuck in a few of their probes and declared me the King of the Earth

Chorus:
Having tea and coffee with the aliens
They are all eight feet tall and they are all my friends
We chat as they perform their experiments
Having tea and coffee with the aliens

They offered me free samples of exotic foods and spices
Futuristic weapons and labor-saving devices
Said if I had goods to trade they could always get more
They were just intergalactic door-to-door salesmen with a foot in my door

They wanted to buy the White House and “would I represent them?”
“The-White-House-is-a-precious-piece-of-history-and-a-national- treasure-and-IS-NOT-FOR-SALE,” I said, so they said…
“Well it must be the exception”
So I sold them 1600 Penn. Ave. for a blarg and two tunths
It’s gonna be interesting when they go to move in there in a few months

Chorus

They expounded on science and philosophy with their radical theories
How to create a perpetual motion machine, how the Red Sox could win the World Series
How men and women could live happily, forever and ever and ever,
It really is quite easy, you see, as long as they don’t live together

Chorus

I said “You’re obviously quite advanced, so what do you want from me?”
They said “We’ve ruined our own planet, though we have a bustling economy,
So we’ve come for your natural resources, your water your land and your air,
But we’ve set aside some nice reservations, we’re sure you’ll be quite happy there”

I said with your intellect and culture, surely you could have planned for your planet’s protection
They said “It’s like this all over the universe” and I thought that we might have been the exception

So I gathered what’s left of our culture, so the kids could remember what was
24 issues of People and Glamour, two gallons Big Mac’s special sauce
This season’s lineup of Reality TV, and the hood ornament from a Jeep Cherokee

And they bundled me off to the desert, in the badlands of New Mexico
A uninhabitable stretch of sun-ravaged wasteland, already occupied by a few hundred Navajo
And I thought of my beautiful country as my angry and homesick blood boiled
What kind of creatures could come and take over and ruin my beautiful world?

Having tea and coffee with the aliens
They are all just like us and they all my friends
We chat as they perform their experiments
Having tea and coffee with the aliens